she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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