Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
someone threw a dead crab at me
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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