before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
