she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
