It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
