I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
