I just pynch a tree in the face
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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