yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
