Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
True college students do jello shots in the library
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