I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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