There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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