I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
