i may or may not be watching the land before time
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
