So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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