I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
