Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
