It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
