You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
