sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
