I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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