we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
