Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
