I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
