you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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