If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
