i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
We need to get me chipped asap
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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