would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
