There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Randomize
