Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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