Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize