Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
