I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
