can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
