you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i would one night stand the shit outta him
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
