I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
