My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
