Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
