He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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