I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
