woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Be still, my beating vagina.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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