you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
