Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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