She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
What a dumb baby whore.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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