So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I just googled if crying burns calories
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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