dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
