I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
