I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
