Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
