I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
