Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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