I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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