I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I puked a lego.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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