Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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