ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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