I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
