No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
