my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
