In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
