Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
