his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
