Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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