Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
