What tipped you off? The sombrero?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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