I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
This baby is an asshole
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Randomize
