thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
