i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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