All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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