So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
